


Asexual Fact of the Day

by lamarcelaise



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Enjolras, Asexuality, Drabble Collection, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 18:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamarcelaise/pseuds/lamarcelaise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of silly drabbles for the facts at http://asexualfactoftheday.tumblr.com/</p>
<p>Each drabble is based on one (or more) asexual fact(s) from that blog, which will be linked and quoted at the end of the chapter. (Please take everything with a grain of salt.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The fact that this one was based on:  
> http://asexualfactoftheday.tumblr.com/post/46713010968/submitted-by-actualassholemurrlissa
> 
> (Skin-to-skin contact of asexuals with sexuals will cause the sexual to change their sexual orientation. The asexual will become itchy for a few days before molting.)

Enjolras, deeply troubled, pulled the strange man’s hand off of the young woman with whom he had been fooling around. “Really. Be respectable. This is a public place!”  
Grantaire paused for a few moments, looking between the woman and the man who had just touched his hand. He had never met this man before in his life... so why was he suddenly so attractive?  
...And the woman wasn’t attractive at all anymore.  
What the hell? he thought to himself. The strange blond simply walked away, scratching his hand. A few days later, his friends noted that his skin looked much smoother than usual, and Grantaire began to frequent their meetings.


	2. Chapter 2

“We need to--” Enjolras stopped in the middle of his speech, head snapping up, and looked around as though he had just heard something. All was silent for a moment.  
“...Enjolras?” Courfeyrac eventually ventured to ask slowly, and with great concern. “Are you alright? What’s going on?”  
“I sense a disturbance.”  
“A disturbance?” Courfeyrac began to fidget.  
Enjolras cleared his throat. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”  
“Well, if you’re s--” Courfeyrac began to say, but he had to stop and look around the room. Enjolras had just suddenly... disappeared. Everyone stopped, confused. “Where did he...?”  
“Sorry,” his voice said, and there he was again. “Someone was opening a can of tuna about a mile and a half away. Anyway.”  
He continued on as though nothing had happened, but nearly everyone in the room was supremely confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that this one was based off of: http://asexualfactoftheday.tumblr.com/post/48079050405/submitted-by-sweettartsloveryo
> 
> (Asexuals are closely related to felines. Their hair stands on end when frightened, they can disappear from a room any time you look for them, and can hear a can of tuna being opened within a 2-mile radius.)


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, Enjolras, what’s your favourite vegetable?” Jehan asked. He had gotten into this discussion with the others, and now apparently felt it prudent to bother the irritable blond with such a trivial question. 

“Cake,” was the only response he received, the leader not looking up from his work for a second. 

“Cake? Cake isn’t a vegetable!” 

This made Enjolras look up. “Cake is the only vegetable.”

“What about carrots?”

There was a pause, and then: “...What the hell is a carrot?”

“Celery?”

“Cele-what?”

Jehan let loose a frustrated sigh, and then said, “Broccolli! Green beans! Radishes! Bell peppers!”

“You’re just making things up now, aren’t you?” Enjolras looked back down at his papers, and waved his friend away with a dismissive gesture. “Leave me to my work.”

Jehan was baffled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that this one was based off of: http://asexualfactoftheday.tumblr.com/post/47577422138
> 
> (The only vegetables asexuals know of is cake.)


	4. Chapter 4

This was certainly an all-new level of strange. 

Enjolras had been acting very strange lately, but this was the strangest thing yet. He was just going around... hugging everyone. He would wrap his arms around them, rub his cheek against their shoulder, and then get up and walk away, as if nothing had just transpired. 

The first person he hugged was Combeferre. The only thing that the man had to say was, “You’d better not eliminate me.” 

“Hm,” was Enjolras’ only reply. He knew that his friend was joking. 

“Enjolras? What the fuck?” was what Grantaire had had to say on the matter. Jehan had hugged back, confused but not usually being one to mind a hug from a friend. Courfeyrac joked that his friend had gone mad, which earned him a very stern glare. 

None of them, aside from Combeferre (who was privy to and possibly part of the plot) were aware that they were being scent-marked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that this one was based off of is: http://asexualfactoftheday.tumblr.com/post/46891821097/submitted-by-liggytheauthoress
> 
> (If an asexual hugs you, it is only because they are scent-marking you for elimination once the asexual community has achieved its goal of global domination.)


	5. Chapter 5

“Grantaire,” Enjolras said, throwing the closet door open, “get out of there and come on.” 

“How the hell did you know where to find me?” Grantaire grumbled, baffled and not particularly in the mood to be disturbed at present.

“I sensed your presence,” Enjolras stated offhandedly. 

“You... what?” If it was possible for one’s eyebrows to completely disappear behind their hairline, Grantaire’s would have done so just now. 

“I said, ‘I sensed your presence.’ Really, you need to--” He cut himself off. 

“Need to what? Enjolras?” Grantaire tried to get the other’s attention, but it was in vain. 

“Shh! Hold on.” The blond paused, then sighed. 

“What?” 

“Nothing. Just... what the hell is Combeferre doing in my bedroom?” 

Grantaire, for once, was silent. I will never understand how this man functions, he thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that this one was based off of is: http://asexualfactoftheday.tumblr.com/post/48236708647
> 
> (If you have been marked by an asexual, they will be able to find you no matter where you are.)


End file.
